They may start commenting on your clothing or asking you to change.
A narcissist may make vaguely threatening comments like, "You might not want to make me mad." They might tell you your friends don't want what's best for you or your family is trying to hold you back because they want to be the only person you trust.
My ex would literally check my body for signs that I'd had breast implants. He'd explain it by saying, "I've been lied to before." I told him it wasn’t cool, but I didn't make a firm boundary.
If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: Trust your gut. Every time we let someone infringe on our boundaries, we're inviting them to do it again.
I hadn’t figured out my partner was a narcissist yet, but the emotional abuse was already destroying me.
I didn't know then what I know now—that narcissists will keep coming back in different shapes and forms until we learn what we need to learn from them.
Start each day with this intention: "In everything I do, I take care of myself. Celebrating your growth will make you feel more capable. Maybe they're charming and funny, but the smoothness feels a bit too polished.
I am deserving of love." I repeat this to myself while anointing my neck and wrists with bergamot essential oil. Every time you feel guilty for taking care of yourself, ask yourself this question: "What would I tell my best friend/child if she were feeling this way? Conversations with my narcissistic ex initially felt like jazz music—they were punctuated with figurative appoggiaturas, trills, and gruppetti.
He stopped the video a few minutes in, told me he’d figured this out a long time ago, and that I was stupid if I needed to watch it. In hindsight, I realized that he was trying to hide his own ignorance.
So, life kept throwing me disordered individuals to deal with until I recognized that truth.
I had to stop making excuses for the abusive people in my life before I could allow myself to consider cutting ties with them.
See, I was guilty of excusing his behavior the same way I excused his mother's.
His increasing cruelty was just a side effect of his alcohol and cocaine abuse, and he had promised to get help with those.
That's true of any toxic type you find yourself drawing in over and over. So, rather than leaving the other narcissist-magnets to claw their way out of the muck on their own, I decided to draw on my own life experience, my training as a psychologist, and the expertise of my professional colleagues to create this guide to breaking free from the toxic relationship cycle.