I do not want to be a passive participant in my romantic life.
I do not want my dating choices to be limited to the guys who are still optimistic enough to send a message; I might miss some good ones who are just tired of being ignored and I can’t blame them. I asked above why I should bother to get on the rollercoaster ride of being the asker instead of the askee, and I think the reason it’s worth trying is the reason it’s worth trying many things that make you uncomfortable; empathy.
***** You might think online dating would create some much-needed “fairness” between the sexes.
In the realm of hetero courtship, tradition still reigns supreme.
You will peruse profiles and find a few women who aren’t posing in a bathroom with their stomachs exposed.
You will look for things in common in their profile (they like Scrabble too! You will send them a note, carefully crafted to show interest and attention to detail. The next one will, but she spells “you” as “u” and you will let the conversation stall.
With those, you will send a few messages back and forth before he invites you for a drink.
You will part ways, and you will probably, almost certainly, begin again the next day with another “Hey there…” message from the next contender.Many times in my writing I ask men to try to understand how women feel out in the world, to take a walk in their shoes, to try on a different perspective to understand their own privilege.I believe exercising those empathy muscles is what helps us be better, kinder human beings, but it’s not fair of me to ask without trying to reciprocate.I tell all my single guy friends to watch out for online dating.It is a sad, soul-crushing place where good guys go to die a slow death by way of ignored messages and empty inboxes.Sometimes I send a “thanks but no thanks” to particularly sweet messages, but usually I’m so overwhelmed by the new things to read and the new choices in front of me that I ignore those nice guys too.