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He was in Rome for a few months on a very specific mission: to meet and eventually marry a nice Italian girl.

I couldn’t help cringing when I heard of this plan, but I wished him luck and offered my advice, should he desire it.

A few weeks later I ran into him again at a bar where he was telling the employee to pile some more “mutzadell” and “brahjzoot” on his panino.

I asked him how his quest was going and the sound of his bubble bursting must have been audible from across the piazza.

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But after talking to him for a few minutes I came to realize that his ideal “Italian” woman bore a striking similarity to Snookie from the Jersey Shore and looked nothing like the Italian women that I knew. He probably would’ve known how to handle Snookie—but I’m quite sure that he had underestimated the mortal danger he would have encountered if, by some random chance, a real Italian woman would have shown some interest.

My sympathies went out to him because his plight is a common one.

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